Dale and Susan's Blog
Dale and Susan's Blog
How Does it Look Through Your Eyes?
Communication and Conflict
The viewpoints of a man and a woman are usually very, very different. Add to that personalities and life experiences that shape those viewpoints, and there’s potential of conflict, to say the least.Looking at how the other sees things can help you understand him or her better. Does she resent something you do because her father does it? Does he get upset when you do remind him of someone who hurt him? Sometimes it takes a bit of “self analysis” to figure that out, but if you can get to the root of things, you’ll understand your fiancé better and be able to deal with the situation better.
Once you think you know what’s going on, talk about it together. Can he change that behavior? Can she justify what she does so that it no longer bothers you? And is it, really, something to get upset about in the first place? Once all that is clarified yet nothing changes, realize that we’re all imperfect people, and we’re going to mess up sometimes. Ask the Lord to give you love, patience and more as you continue to work through these communication challenges. And, if it’s a non-negotiable situation, decide if you can live with it or not—before you tie the knot.
A Sharp-tongued Woman
Communication and Conflict
“She’s often disrespectful to me and talks negatively about me. And she puts me down—even in front of others!” says a dismayed husband-to-be. It wasn’t the first and I’m sure it won’t be the last time we’ve heard the consequences of a sharp-tongued woman. So how should this man deal with his fiance’s unkind words?First, the best approach is to confront the problem in a kind, gentle way. He may be tempted to strike out—an eye for eye and word for word—but that would be the worst way to deal with this. Modeling kind words and respect, even in the face of unkindness and disrespect, is the best way to go.
Second, he should find a way to discuss how this makes him feel, even if it means bringing in a third party such as a pastor or counselor. Yes, he may love her, but can he really live with that kind of condescension the rest of his life? Frankly, if she doesn’t acknowledge this weakness and choose to change, this man should decide if he should move forward with the wedding plans.
Listen to your fiancé
Communication and Conflict
Listening to your future spouse in the midst of an argument may be the toughest yet most important thing you can do. During disagreements, you need to listen with your heart, eyes, and body as well as be open minded and willing to compromise.When one is finished speaking, respectfully and calmly give immediate feedback regarding what you heard your future spouse say. Restate what you thought you heard, because people often misunderstand or misinterpret what was actually said. Then the other can clarify what he or she meant.
When in an argument, stay focused on the actual problem as you both understand it, and always keep your relationship as the top priority. When you really listen to each other, you can forgive and forget—and make it a win-win situation. You’ll never regret it.
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